When you run a business making and selling leather bondage and BDSM gear (as we do at Affordable Leather Products) you sometimes get asked questions about related areas and one is: How do I get a session with a Pro Domme?
We thought that it would be a good idea to write a short guide about how to get in touch with a Professional Mistress.
In the old days (when we were young!) the only way to find a Dominant Woman was to look for adverts in newsagents windows such as "Strict Governess", "Cane Chair for Sale", "Lady Whiplash" and so on or, if you could find one, look in the back of the old contact magazines.
These days, of course, with the advent of the internet and the World Wide Web and sites such as http://www.professionalmistresses.co.uk or http://www.uk-mistresses.co.uk/ it's much easier to find Ladies, however that does introduce more complications, so let's look at a few of them.
How do I choose which Dominant Lady I'd like to visit?
Before you start, it's a good idea to have some idea of what you are looking for. Think about what your interests are, do you want to be spanked, flogged or caned? Perhaps you'd prefer some bondage or Tie and Tease? Maybe you're into cross-dressing and sissification or would you like to experience watersports or spitting or other humiliations?
Write down your three or four favourites (if you want more ideas, try looking through a BDSM Negotiation Document for suggestions) and then, as you browse through the websites and pick out a few professional women who catch your eye, look through their list of services offered and see if they are interested in what you like. If she doesn't list a service, she's probably not interested in it. If it says "I will not do XYZ", DO NOT ask her for it, she's already told you she won't.
How do I contact the Pro Domme of my choice?
First of all, before anything else, remember this one word: RESPECT! Sending an e-mail starting "Hi" or "You're hot" or "Hey sweetie" is going to get it dumped into the trash folder after they read the first line. Doing the same thing on the phone will get you listening to the click as they hang up after two seconds.
If you are going to phone a Dominatrix:
* Make sure you note if she has any restrictions on phone times and don't call outside them.
* Don't withhold your number. Doing this will instantly get you labelled as a probable time-waster.
* If you're in a hotel, tell her which one and which room, she may well check.
* Be polite, as mentioned above.
* Don't wank. A Domme will be able to hear it in your voice.
* DO NOT try to haggle the price down. That is completely disrespectful and will get you blocked ASAP.
Whether you speak to her or e-mail, explain where you saw her advert and ask if she is free on X date at Y time. Note that some Ladies require a notice period, pay attention to that. If she needs 24 hours notice, don't ask if she's free now.
If she is free, tell her what you are interested in, but do not give her a laundry list! If you're going for an hour's session, you'll get to do maybe three or four different things in that time, not twenty.
Don't ask her "what will you do to me?" Again, most Dominant Ladies will figure this as someone just wasting their time wanting something to masturbate to.
If you have a request for a particular style of clothing or outfit that you've seen her wearing on her website, it's a good idea to ask for this in advance so she doesn't have to waste time getting changed after you've arrived.
Once you have agreed a time and date, thank her for her agreeing to see you and hang up. Don't try to keep her chatting, that's not what she's there for.
What if she doesn't want to see me?
Take NO for an answer! If she's turned you down once, repeatedly pestering her is unlikely to change her mind.
Also it is a good idea to keep a list of Dommes you have contacted previously. Calling one up or e-mailing her a week after you last got in touch and asking the same questions again is going to get you labelled a time-waster PDQ.
What do I do when I go to see a Professional Dominatrix?
See Affordable Leather Products' Guide to visiting a Mistress here.
Have you visited a Professional Dominatrix?
Was your experience in contacting a Professional Lady similar to what we describe here? Was it different? If so, do tell us how.
And do you have any helpful hints or tips for others who are thinking of visiting a Dominatrix?
Perhaps you are a Dominant Lady and have some more thoughts on what potential clients should (or shouldn't!) do when visiting a Lady.
Do please post your comments below...
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